I'm a Yeller

Ok so I have a confession to make.  

I Yell.

A Lot.

I come from a looooong line of yellers.  We are a loud group of people.

When you are yelling so loud that you can't hear what we are saying... We yell louder.

How else are you suppose to hear me right?

Problem is when you have kids and you yell and you see the hurt in their eyes or how they cower when your volume raises ......

because they are scared of you.

You  I frighten my kids.

I, the one who is suppose to be their ultimate earthly protector, frighten my children.

I don't like that about myself.  I can make all the excuses in the world about stress, lack of sleep, blah, blah, blah truth is I have gotten in a nasty habit of reaching for my yell before anything else.

Enter The Orange Rhino. 

Long story short, this mom is just like me and made a commitment to not yelling for a year and blogs about it.  Shes on Facebook too and offers great daily advice.

I've been doing better..

Until today.

Today Hazel began the day chipperly declaring that after lunch she wanted a nap.

"Ok", I laughed, "You can have a nap."

Of course when lunch came around she decided she wasn't in fact tired enough for a nap anymore.

"Changed my mind mom, let's go to the library and sign up for the reading program."

So we were off.  

After she's all signed up and tucked in with a few books that she *must* read right there in the library to add to her Summer log, in walks in another military mom with her kid.

The conversation immediately turns to homeschooling.

She is contemplating homeschooling her child for "half a year only" as they are transferring and would like to open up my brain and reap every bit of information available.

Socialization, Standardized testing, Art, Life lessons, Compassion towards others, How do I KNOW my kids are learning and WHO is checking to make sure I'm doing my job.

At this point I have answered these questions so many times the answers just roll out.  I'm confident in our choice to homeschool.  I don't need to be nervous and am happy to help.  You always get that one person though who likes to use you though as their sounding board as to why traditional school is better.

Why they are better.

It never sets well with me but Im adult enough to just let them ramble.

I feel a tug at my arm.

"Mom, I want you to put on a puppet show.."

"Give me a moment please Im speaking right now."  

Socialization, Standardized testing, Art, Life lessons, Compassion towards others, How do I KNOW ...."

"Mommy I want to write my books in my log"

"Just a little bit dear.."

Socialization, Standardized testing....."

"MOMMYYYYY!!!!!!"

And the fit ensued.

In the end Mrs. X got to say all she needed to, Hazel logged her books, and I wanted to climb under the nearest rock as my valiant effort at sharing homeschooling with someone was thwarted by my 6 year old's tantrum.

So as punishment I decided to withhold her movie for the evening. And let her know by yelling it to her in the car.  

Its like the noise just vomited out of me.  I could see the hurt in her eyes, the fear in Lillian's as she had no clue what was going on and then it all came out....

"I TOLD YOU I WANTED A NAP AFTER LUNCH THIS MORNING!!!"

So there you have it.  I should have listened to my child in the first place.  And although I doubt very seriously we were the ambassadors for homeschooling that Mrs. X was looking for, a lesson was indeed learned.

Now let's nap.