Wednesday, July 14, 2010

This week

I have been reading... well actually I have been reading practically the moment the wonderful librarian slapped my cool Pawtucket Library card into my hot little hand. I love reading. I was the nerdy kid who instead of watching T.V. was reading Nancy Drew Mysteries, The Hardy Boys, and for a brief moment of insanity I read the Babysitter's Club.

Reading has always been an escape for me. I have always been the one with the chores and responsibilities in the house, so a good book is my chocolate. Well a good book AND some chocolate never hurts but I am trying to be good to I will focus. HMMMMmmmm.

LOL OK. In recent years I must confess that reading has been a bit burdensome to me. I have been going to school for about a million years and reading every teaching textbook known to man on the subject along with every how-to book on child rearing, special needs facilitating, living life, etc. For some reason one my son was diagnosed as a Sensory Seeking Child I lost all ability to think for myself and had to validate anything I did with... a book.

After a while that gets old, only reading the how-to's. Long story short I actually checked out a couple of books this summer just for fun. First was Animal Vegetable Miracle which is an awesome read cleverly disguised into a how-to (the recipe's are super yummy), I read all of the Twilight series (and imagined as my hubby came home from the office, cold from the A/C that he WAS in fact my Edward), a couple of Rudolf Steiner's Essays (which are nice but very how-to) and finally Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I'm still reading it but this book has taken me away to a whole new place. As you might be able to tell from my last post, I get a little depressed from time to time. This book hit home on soo many levels. No I don't want to leave my husband but there are times I am not sure who I am is the person I wanted to be or the person expected of me. Deep right? Scary Deep.

For some reason this book has given me permission to slow down, relax and not stress (as much) about the future. I feel a yearning to keep my voice calm, my thoughts calm, my children calm. Its a working progress and the past 24 hrs have been well, not calm but I am seeing now how to let go of the things I can't control, work on the things I can, and forgive myself for the things I haven't done right. Like I said its deep. The results are that I find myself smiling A LOT more. I feel a peace and a happiness I haven't allowed myself to feel in a while. Now I'm not saying one book did all of that, but Someone out there sure knew I needed the door of compassion in my heart opened a little bit and threw me a lifeline. I'm not sure what you call this person but to me he is simply God. My friend.

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