Lillian, why so fast?

You know that baby I just had?

Well she's trying her hardest to NOT be a baby anymore.

6 months old and already 2 teeth, crawling, emptying the bookshelves,

and latest pulling up and trying to walk when you hold her hands.

Will somebody please tell her this is NOT a race?

 

Chasing the light.

"Babe, can you watch the kids for a minute?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I HAVE to go catch that light!"

 

He shakes his head at me and smiles as I hastily throw on a coat, sneakers, and grab the camera.

Running out in the snow I realize only too late that I have forgotten my gloves... no matter that sun is going down fast and these colors wont last long.

The snow is giving this momma a little gift.  Through storm and gale and loss of power, the cabin fever and doldrums of the same four walls the sun finally emerges.  And as it sets across the chilly blanket of the ground, hues of purples and blues, pinks and oranges emerge and dance around.

I have to try and capture it.

 

I run like my life depends on it to the waves to try and catch the sun before it slips below the edge of trees across the bay.

The wind is howling through me as I inch out on the railroad bridge certain that I am going to fall trying to hold on to these colors.

 

I stomp back home triumphant.  At least as triumphant as I can be with such little knowledge of my "fancy camera".

 

 

 



I took a little jog...

Just as I found out I was with child in 2011, my neighbors were a buzz with the crazy idea to enter a race to run this....

That's the Pell Bridge.  The race was 4.1 miles with one mile going up hill on the bridge

They wanted me to do it.  I wanted to be able to walk 10 steps without looking for the nearest ladies room.

While the reality of running the race with my friends was not to be, I did promise them after I had the baby I would run it. 

They would have already transferred, but it would be my way of keeping them close.

And I did.

14weeks after birthing.

I had every intention of training for the race, but some very pressing life happened beforehand which consumed all of my time.

To say I had race nerves that morning was the understatement of the year.

I just prayed I would make it.

Then I saw this....

That sunrise was one of the most beautiful and cleansing sights I had allowed myself to see for weeks. 

Words nor this simple camera phone shot could ever do it justice.

I was on a running high for hours.... until my body told me exactly what it thought about me running 4.1 miles with absolutely no training.

Ouch, but a glorious ouch!

This year I want more, I want to experience more soul cleansing as I make my way across the miles.  Yes I will run the bridge again, but that is later in the year.  right now my sights are set here.....

That's the setting for a 10 mile run.

10 MILES!!!

And its going to take me through some of the most beautiful scenery ever!!

And the coolest part is the finish line is smack in the middle of the Fort!!

I LOVE it!!!

Training started this week and I am actively recruiting more people to train with and run the race with me that morning.

So if your feelin' froggy...

Go here http://www.newport10miler.com/

Register and come take a stroll with me :)

Lillian Corynne

I keep hoping to have the time to sit down and compose this perfect account of the birth of my youngest, but time and perfect words seem so fleeting and I want to capture the magic that is still in my mind NOW, so here goes....

 

I knew having the "birth I wanted" was going to come with a struggle, mainly to find a provider who was willing to allow me to VBAC.  Turns out that was the easy part.  Three doctors, 2 interviews with doulas, a manual turn for a breech baby, and finally completing my hypnobabies training later, here I was staring at an ever expanding belly that housed a baby who had decided that inside was the place to be.

Two days before the medical staff was to serve her an eviction notice and induce me, I started feeling "something".  Not ever having felt the natural oncoming of contractions I was constantly looking for the textbook signs. 

They never came.

So just to have something to do I found a contraction timer app and downloaded it.

Yes, an app.  My neighbor laughed and recounted to me "in her day they used a stop watch and a clock." 

So I started to time these feelings and then set off to the Library to take the kids to one of the Summer programs.  I think It was a music program.

All the while I was hitting my little timer going from 14-19 min apart.  I remember my friend Kelly watching the app and how wide her eyes got when at one point these feelings were 9 minutes apart.

But I was too comfortable to be in Labor.

That night Hazel and I were in the shower together and I just felt the need to prep her just in case I needed to wake her in the middle of the night.  She asked if the baby was coming now, and I said I didn't think so but I just wanted her to know so she was prepared (ie not a total grump munkin should I have to wake her).

I also texted my brother to tell him Happy Birthday a day early, just in case I was otherwise preoccupied the next day. 

I finished packing my bags, brought my yoga ball up stairs and filled my water bottle.

My body did all of this automatically, I kept telling Mike this couldn't be "it".

That night he slept while I sat on the yoga ball streaming hypnobabies and tapping my app.

At 3:30 AM Hazel came in the room and bounded on the bed asking me if it was time yet to go to Ms. Kelly's and was I going to hurry up and have the baby.

Then she started singing Jingle Bells.

It was July 25... Christmas in July.

Then I felt SOMETHING and needed to get in the shower.  By the time I got out I was tapping my app any where from 4-9 minutes apart.

I woke Mike and he called the hospital to ask if they thought we should come in, their response?  "We will see you in a few minutes." 

Ok, guess we are going.

I called my Dad on the way and told him we were going and how I REALLY hoped they didn't send me home.

I felt uncomfortable but not in pain, hitting the app every 2-4 minutes.

Standing in the parking lot at the hospital is when things got real.  I started laughing/crying that I was scared that this was going to hurt sooo much.

The next 10 minutes were when I panicked a little.  I was taken to a room while Mike moved the car, Kim my doula was not there yet, and the staff were trying to hook me up to all of their gadgets which I was trying to refuse.

The Intern Doctor came in and asked me about my hypnobabies tracks, afterwards she checked me "just to see where we are here".

Her eyes got really wide.

You're at 8!

Mike comes in

I'm at 8!

Call Kim now!

Kim, she's at 8.

And she rounded the corner.

Now I was ready.

They started to wheel me out and this poor sick pregnant woman was ahead of me.  We both couldn't fit on the elevator.

They pushed me ahead, everyone was afraid I was going to have a baby in the hall.

I remember feeling so bad for this woman, she was holding a barf bag.  I felt fine.

 

What I remember most about the midwife who attended my birth was that when Mike handed her our birth plan, she stopped.

She read it.

Entirely.

I was in awe.

Especially when she gave me no grief about my choices, even when she was scolded by the "head doctor" for not having me on a monitor.

She was there for ME.

The anesthesiologist however seemed to not understand I was NOT getting an epidural.

My water broke while I was in the bathroom. 

This was so cool!

  I was experiencing everything I never had the chance to experience naturally with my other two.

I immediately felt the need to push, but felt a bit at a loss of how I wanted to be.

Then Kim started humming with me through my contractions while I hugged Mike...

instant calm.

I was more vocal during the pushing process than I expected, but nothing dramatic.

I remember feeling as though her head would never come out. 

Everyone reminded me that I was doing exactly what I needed to do.

And then, she was here.

Passed through my legs into my arms, I was the first person to hold her.

Lillian Corynne.

 

10 pounds 1 ounce

 (Just shy of what her uncle weighed... they share birthdays)

She just looked at me, so calm, not crying, just looked at me.

We did it.

The midwife was patient and did not clamp the cord until it stopped pulsing, helped me deliver the placenta and then showed us the Tree of Life.

Kim stayed to make sure Lillian nursed well and then it was just us.

This birth was so healing for both Mike and I.

It was perfect.

And so is she.

 

 

 

The Resolutions

I LOVE making New Year Resolutions!

Its a time for endless possibilities, time to dream, time to improve, time to throw away all that hasn't worked or held me down and start anew.

People who balk a New Years Resolutions annoy me. 

Yes I understand that often people make promises and they don't keep them, Yes I even understand that sometimes they don't intend to keep them, but to spend a few moments at least dreaming of what you can become can take you places.  Its like the ONE time everyone stops and actually daydreams about something BETTER.

There are soo many things I want to improve this year.  I want to write more, knit more, play outside more, paint more, cook more, explore more, read MORE. 

The details on how to accomplish all of this are still a little fuzzy but I know they are important because they are all things that make me happy. 

And they are all things that have taken a backseat in 2012.

Don't get me wrong last year was GREAT!  Nothing can compare to the birth of a child, and yet there were some definite struggles through last year.  Things that left me on my knees clawing at the very existence of God, begging for help, demanding answers, and sometimes even throwing tantrums at the ones I received. 
Mostly though 2012 was a year that I gave away to others.  I gave all my time to my children, your children, children I didn't even know... I gave my body over to grow a child, my mind over to worry over a loved one, and my sleep to all the above.
I don't regret a minute of it, but the stark cold reality of it is that all that giving away has left me a little more weathered in the face, seasoned in the hair, and scattered in the mind.
In short it left me old.
I am 32.  I am not old.
So this year while I still have the needs of a lot of others to care for, I HAVE to care for me too.  Because if I don't ... well you think you can throw a tantrum.  You haven't seen mine lol.
First things first is getting this body working again.
That means being healthy.
There are a lot of aspects of health but right now I am to tired to be a philosopher.  I just need this machine to work again.  And thankfully I have a partner willing to help.  But that is for another post.  For now, Lillian is asleep so I must follow her example..  Good night

Best Year End EVER!!

Days leading up to New Years Eve we had not put much thought into any real activities...

I mean the idea of staying up PAST my children sleeping and missing those moments where I can close my eye myself?

Not appealing at all. :)

But all of a sudden we did have plans and we gathered the kids and the camera and headed to the church.

 

To witness a Baptism.

It was the best way to end 2012.

After the wet hugs and well wishes we went home for an improvtu fire and smores.

Then we got back to the "real plan" and went to bed right at midnight. 

Happy 2013!!

 



Happy New Year!

Lordy it has been almost a year since my last post!  Time sure does fly when you are having fun!  Now we are embarking upon a brand spankin New Year and boy am I excited. 

2012 was a year of growth for our family as we added a new member to the family,

 Miss Lillian Corynne Fambro.

  I will write her story soon as it is a tale that MUST be told :)

For now I just wanted to embrace this space again and say hi old friend I have missed you!

Blessings to All!