Total Health Tuesday

So apparently I have not gotten back int o my blogging routine again have I? Opps :)

Getting back into a routine is so hard, why do we ever change our routine in the first place? This summer has been awesome, and we are already a month into our homeschool year, but throughout all of that some things have taken a back seat in the priorities department.
Namely food.
I believe that I have said it before but I seem to have such a problem keeping a watchful eye on quantity and quality of my food AND a regular exercise routine.
America truly does run on Dunkin Donuts here and I fell intot he trap of Coffee Coolattas and Mini Mart snacks just because I was tired and didn't want to be mindful.
Yes, I was logging my food in to a Calorie counter, but I would just skip that day if I had a "no-no" food.
So after much thought I decided to attack my diet like I did my workout slump.
I'm paying for it.
When I wasn't loving getting up at 5 am to sweat it out, I began to just sleep in, so I joined the Y.
I'm not loving logging my foods, so I took advantage of Weight Watchers buy 3 months get 1 free deal and signed up for the online plan.
If I pay for it. I must use it. Otherwise I will rack myself with guilt.
Both of these avenues are/will help me get back into my routine. It's not that I absolutely can't do this on my own. Just right now I won't. So I need some kind of incentive to push me along until I find my grove again.
I can tell you its working. I miss working out when I don't and have even found an early morning jogging buddy to satisfy those days where I just can't make it to the gym. Eventually it will be too cold to run with her in the morning and then I will dust off my treadmill, but until then she is helping me establish my routine.
And Rhythm.
They work.
Don't stop.
Let the momentum of your success carry you.
The food department is better too. I'm learning just HOW horrible those quick snacks are. And that just because we eat healthy most of the time, the times we don't really add up so I'm learning control when it comes to the fun stuff.

Hmm getting back into the swing of things is so hard. I hope I never stop again.

Total Health Tuesday.... More is not always better.

In my realm of health there has been little to report as far as new.
All summer long I used my membership to the Y and even recruited a couple of friends to become my running buddies.
We run the Couch to 5k program together on the treadmills which is awesome because we can all run at our own pace but still be beside one another to offer encouragement... or to yell to go faster!
While I have gotten a little faster in my runs and have been able to increase my weights for my strength training, I have not really lost any more weight or inches.
And my acne is super flared.
And that makes me frustrated.
So I went to the Dr. for my check-up and told her all about it. To which she smiled and encouraged me to keep on keeping on. Its gona be harder for me, just remember anything I do positive is working more on the inside than I know.
Words I'm grateful for, but they don't move the scale, or clear the acne, or get my insides working to make a baby.
So she put me on a diuretic to try and clear up my skin.
To which I had an allergic reaction.
As in I wanted to claw the itchy skin from my body allergic reaction. Oh and stubborn me waited over a week to go back to the Dr.
And so I was put on MORE meds for the itchies.
I have now had to devise a system for keeping up with my medication. I feel old. :(
And did you know that you can start having an allergic reaction to one thing and then continue to have an allergic reaction when it is out of your system and you have introduced something else?
Well you can. And that something else is....
STRESS!
And while I don't really think one thing put me over the edge, I have not taken a lot of time for me to chill and refocus lately. So I've been runnin' on empty.
Well, empty and Coffee Coolattas.
So I think my body did the only thing it could do to stop me.
Break out in huge red itchy blotches that irritate so bad I can't focus on anything else in the world period.
Yeah that ought to do it. :)
So, while some things cannot be cut back on, I have made it a necessity to critically look at all our current engagements and future ones to pare back or at least share the load with Mike or friends.
Because apparently I try to do it all myself and then hold it in when I become overwhelmed.
Who me? (insert sheepish grin)

Anything new with you? Any progress or setbacks? Sound off in the comments below!

Total Health Tuesday- General Update

There are two new tools in my fitness toolbox now.
1: We joined the YMCA and I have been able to get back into strength training and not just cardio
2. So I don't JUST do the weights at the gym I downloaded the Couch to 5k app for my IPod.
Both have proven really motivating in getting my sweat on.
Since we go to the Y 3x a week I am still just running on the "off days" but hope to incorporate a bit of strength and/or flexibility work as well, that will require me to dig out my pilates dvds and search netflix for some inspiration.
I just don't push myself as hard at home.

I also have looked back through my fitness logs and food logs and realized that often I am not "good" on both. I may work out like a mad man OR eat like a rabbit, but never together. I am trying to be a bit more aware of that. Our CSA share starting up really helps as it has pushed lots of leafy greens in the kitchen that I may or may not always reach for. Salads are a staple for now and I'm trying to find fun healthy ways to sneak spinach in for me and the kids. (Because although its super yummy, spinach artichoke dip with crackers is not the best choice)
Lately food wise my biggest obstacle is the weekend.
As the weather has improved everyone wants to get together and chow down. Which is great for this winter weary Southern Girl who got just a bit more lonely than she let on, but not so great for my wavering willpower as often times grilling out means lots of processed foods and sugary desserts.
My gluten rebelling belly is trying to help me out by reminding me with not so subtle pain after each offense. It helps, but not always as I am not yet used to thinking about all the things I shouldn't or cannot have and often time plop something in my mouth without thinking ( another problem).
Physically wise I am noticing an increase in energy, now that I am not killing myself first thing in the morning for workouts and spending much needed reflection time. Also I have lost all but one pound of the 5 I gained during the move process. Its a success, but I won't truly start counting it until I get back to where I was before the move.

That's a general update on health here. No real news or accomplishments with the PCOS, but I am confident the more weight I lose and the more aware of food that my body does and doesn't need I am, then my insides will begin coming online again. ;)
How's ur Summer going? Is it easier to eat healthy now for you or harder?

Total Health Tuesday.... I want Daddy Part 2

My poor husband, he puts up with so much.
Even after long days at work he still has the will to come home and let me air my frustrations when I need to.
I try not to bombard. I know he is tired, and frustrated too.
But he knows sometimes I need to get it out.
Yell, negotiate, figure, the works.
It's my way of dealing, and most of the time we both know that through this process I will have answered my own questions and solved my own problems.
His job is to sit there and smile, give me a hug, or smack me back into reality when I get a little too crazy (just joking).
This weekend I was venting about our current scheduling situation and how I just couldn't seem to fit everything I needed and the kids needed into every day and still stay sane.
The sane part was the problem.
To which he agreed and said, "We've got to find you some help, or a way for you to get a break."
Frustrated by the "duh" comment I screamed, "I don't want anyone's help, I want you! I don't need someone ELSE to give me a break I need YOU!"
Wow.
We both just looked at each other in amazement at my level of craziness.
So today I joined the Y.
Yes I understand its ok for me to want my husband home, and that I'm entitled to my feelings about the situation.
I also understand I can either continue digging this hole or grab the rope that's hanging there and let someone else give me a hand.
The latter is a bit more productive.
Joining the Y right now frees my usual morning workout time up for the planning and prep for my day time that I have been lacking.
It allows me to still rise to meet my day and to begin in quiet meditation, bible study, and homeschool planning that I need to continue.
It also insures that I can still acquire the fitness time I need to battle this weight and disease.
It's not my husband and its not free.
But its necessary.
Life seems so much easier when you have a helping hand.
Now if I can just work on that sane part........

Total Health Tuesday.... Relocated, Re-inspired, and Ready

We are finally here, moved and mostly settled.
It was stressful, funny, ridiculous, and glorious.
Most things I thought could go wrong didn't, yet there were other *fun* hiccups to take their place.
In the middle of it all I have ate and succumbed to the stress and gave myself permission not to work out.
The results?
Too scared to step on the scale.
I'm sure its gone up.
But its done.
Over with.
In the past.
Last Tuesday was the season finale of The Biggest Loser. I have never watched a finale til this one.
Why?
Olivia.
Throughout the entire season she has really been the one to stand out to me, even over the other women whom I shared similar characteristics with.
I admired her grace, her honesty with her struggles, and her love for her sister. I also thought she was just like any "other" overweight person who just needed to flip the switch and get their act together.
Until they recapped the intro to the show ( which I had missed).
Here I saw a woman pleading for her life to figure things out so that she could succeed not only in her professional life, but in her personal life as well.
See Olivia has PCOS.
She was 261 lbs.
She had lost weight before.
Just to add it back on and more.
But she wanted more.
She wanted a part she had not been able to play.
A song she had not yet sung.
And to be a mother to a child where the opportunity had escaped her because of the weight.



Olivia lost over 49% of her body weight.
129lbs to be exact.
She WON.

It can be done.
And she showed the world how to do it with grace and poise.
I have done well.
I'm ready to be better.

Go here to see her beauty and inspiration.

Total Health Tuesday- Give me a BREAK!

Painting, packing, and planning.
That is my life fore the next few days.
For the past two days I have gotten up to run and tormented myself with the urge/need to go back to bed.
Moving disrupts the rhythm, and I have been fighting hard to keep it.
As I rolled out of bed I noticed how sore my legs and arms were. Like I had worked them out really hard.
Thats when I realized, "You know getting up and down off of a recycling bin used as a step ladder to paint trim IS a workout!"
And I have the aches to prove it. Plus comming off a WONDERFUL weekend retreat with our church where most everything was on one hill or another, AND the new fun activity I discovered in canoeing I think I have been doing my fair share of working my body.
I have not run a single mile this week. But you know what thats ok.
I'm moving. Up and down steps, lifting boxes, and navigating a laundry list of "to-dos".
I think I can give myself a break this week and know that although my treadmill miles may not see the proof of my efforts, my body is still telling me "Good Job!".

Have you found other ways of fitness not connected to workout equipment? Did you have a hard time acknolwedging this as work as well? Feel free to share.

Total Health Tuesday- The Woman in the Picture

I'm not a big fan of her lately.
She looks a bit frumpy. A little older, a LOT tired.
I mean Geeze! Can she not do something with her hair?
I have noticed that often times I let my appearance take the back burner, especially when I'm spread a little too thin.
Metaphorically of course.
I usually justify not taking a moment with excuses like, "Its just me and the kids, I'm gona get dirty anyways, or My hair's growing out so ponytail it is!"
In the day to day I don't worry about it.
But then I catch myself in a picture.
Be it an older one or a recent one. And Neither one of those people are who I see in the mirror.
The older pictures have me smiling, confident, hair combed, and most often a touch of makeup. These newer pictures, I look frumpy, slouched, EXTREMELY pale, and in general just awkward.
Which is really frustrating when I am working so hard to better so many aspects of my life that it just knocks the breath out of me.
So what to do?
Be aware.
Smile
Stand up straight.
A little Powder helps
And the miracle that comes with actually blow drying your hair is amazing.
I am also making it a point at the end of the day to pinpoint the thing I have done for me that day and be thankful for it.
It may be just a few rows of knitting, the few extra minutes I took to actually shave, or the moments in bed I take to breathe and stretch and compliment myself on something.
It's no Nip/Tuck fix but I think I like who I see a little better now.
I hope she shows herself in a picture once in a while.

How are you managing your Total Health Today? Feel free to share any successes or advice in the comments

Total Health Tuesday-I don't exercise to burn Calories

My mom sent me this video of this medical lecture. The Title I got was "Is Sugar Toxic?"
Although some of the technical stuff went WAY over my head, I was grateful of the few moments in Biology and Chemistry where I paid attention (or stayed awake) so I could mainly follow along.
Throughout the whole talk the MD is discussing high fructose corn syrup and its detriments.
I "knew" it wasn't the best stuff in the world but I had no idea our body cannot process it at all and it just stays in our liver forever.
Gross.
He also debunked the "calories in/calories out" claim, stating that no two calories are equal there are good and bad (more than the empty and full).
And that's when he got to exercise.
He said you don't exercise to burn calories.
You would never survive.
Exercise is for the stress reduction, the centering if you will of your hormones and such so that your body can in turn do what its suppose to do after its burned off some of this fog that we have created by the things you eat.
Whether this is wholly true or not I'm not sure, but its a notion I can cling to right now as stress levels are through the roof and the scale isn't budging despite eating well.
I can hold on to the willpower to get up and workout each morning if I know it has something more to do than make the calories go down.
I really encourage you to take the time to listen/watch this. It has some good stuff in it. He also breaks it down about the similarities between sugar and the effects of alcohol.
Food for thought and read your labels! ALL of them! My "sugar free" coffee creamer had high fructose corn syrup as the first ingredient! Crazy!

Total Health Tuesday-Back from the Doc

So last week I made the trip down to the Health Clinic to see the Doctor and the Nutritionist.
Halfway there they called and said the nutritionist couldn't see me and they would have to reschedule.
Good thing I had the other appointment already scheduled or that would have been most inconvenient with gas at almost $4 a gallon.
But I digress...
The Dr mainly had a good report, was pleased with my weight loss so far even though I was worried it wasn't "enough". She also was pleased that I had taken it upon myself to start using a regime of progesterone cream. Because of my flare up of acne again she said that was proof that I had not hit my correct dosage of meds, so she upped them. She also shed some light onto my recent onslaught of headaches and told me it was due to the metformin affecting my blood sugar and insulin levels so I should pay very close attention to not going too long without food as this is more than likely the cause of the headaches.

My thoughts?
One, I'm a little disappointed I couldn't see the Nutritionist and two, I'm worried a little about this increase in meds mainly because it comes with the promise of another increase. The side effects can be well..... inconvenient to leaving the house and I really dislike living in fear of what my body is going to do each day. I'm also having to take double the amount of vitamin supplements to combat the drain that the meds seem to have on me. Good news is B12 is AWESOME!

I know I haven't been as strict with my foods as I should be and I'm feeling the need to just have a week (or weekend) to get my thoughts together on the foods I need to eat and those I don't and find suitable alternatives and stress free substitutions. But having the time to just think on ONE thing seems to elude me right now. I blame the Easter candy ;)
I also know that metformin, progesterone, birth control (if I decide to go on them) its only treating the symptoms. And I really feel as though if this is a chronic disease (as the doctor told me it was) then I have GOT to find a lifestyle fit that stabilizes all of this. Because I do NOT want to be at the mercy of a pharmacy for the rest of my life.
I'm not really sure what that will entail. Everyone has a different opinion on what works which means nothing works for EVERYONE.
It's a little maddening at times, but I'm very grateful to have the medical community to help while I try and find a NON-medical solution to this problem.

Total Health Tuesday- Numbers Update

Well its been about a month since I have weighed in, and I have my follow-up with the nutritionist and the DR this week so I'm sure they will have more info for me to share next week.
Since the last time I weighed in I have lost 5 lbs!
Yippee!!
I also taped myself off a month ago and based off my new measurements I have lost a total of 3 inches overall!
Double Yippee!!
So here's how the past month has been...

What's working:
Working out. I run/walk 4-5 times a week traveling about 12-15 miles per week.
Menu Planning. By making sure I have the meals planned I have avoided calling my favorite pizza place for delivery for a month! Yay!
Rising early. Getting up before the kids means I wake up on my terms and no one else's. I'm thinking about implementing this on the weekends as well to set a better tone.
Being conscious. During my shower or clothes folding time I take the moment to focus on areas of our day that I would like to work on (ie: getting dressed time in the morning with Hazel, everyone speaking kindly and softly, and mealtimes where I know there will be a little resistance from some on trying new dishes). By recognizing these parts of my day before they happen I am able to mentally prepare myself for these times and possibly think of ways to better deal with them.

What's not working:

Food Tracking. For some reason I'm having a hard time being consistent with my tracking. I think its because I'm worn out by the menu planning, working out, and other stuff.
Feeling overwhelmed: I recognize that I'm in a tough spot with moving, schooling, and a hubby that has a non-existent schedule. While I try to take a moment to collect myself and breathe, I am constantly bombarded with thoughts of what I still need to get done and the basic fact that I plain ole' miss my partner in crime.
My face: Ugh the acne's back. It was gone for about a week or two and then it's back. This is definitely on my list of things to talk about with the Dr.

What I'm hoping to work on:
Honestly I don't think that I can add anything new to my plate right now without signing my own commitment to the looney bin. My goal for the next month will be to continue with positive progress and try to work a little more on food tracking.

What are your successes this month? Any areas you recognize you would like to focus on? Battle plan for those areas?

Total Health Tuesday- Willpower

Willpower is something everyone struggles with, especially when taking on a new challenge.
The struggle to not eat too much, or too little.
The stamina it takes to WANT to get up early to workout.
The drive one must muster to push themselves physically to the next challenge.
Where does this energy come from?
Can you always depend on a partner to lean on?
What can get you through when you are all that there is?

I do not believe that we as individuals have an unending amount of strength, while it may be true that we don't always realize our greatest potential, that potential is like a muscle who needs to be gradually worked to its optimal performance.
So.. how do you train your will power? How do you make it stronger without exhausting yourself and crumpling?
Budget.
Yes as in checks and balances budget.
When you want to give more to one area, you HAVE to give less to another.
Most people look at their lives and say I HAVE to do x,y,and z (work, cook, clean for example).
They look at the essentials only and claim there is no wiggle room. What about the non-essentials?
Like the massive amount of activities you and your family attend.
Or your need to help others when you have not taken 5 minutes yourself to wash your hair.
Or the *one* show you have to watch that keeps you up late at night.
Can you eliminate these from your budget?
Can you look at your calendar and say, "NO MORE!" and trim the excess of the agenda and actually stay at home?
Can you restrain yourself from volunteering to take on everyone else's needs?
Can you turn the TV off knowing that in this day and age of Hulu, TIVO, and Netflix, that the show will still be there when you actually have time to watch it?
Is it really worth that time to watch it?
These are all questions I have had to wrestle with over the past few months, areas I have found myself stealing from my will power.
You see I'm working on becoming a better me. One that actually lives and not survives.
For me that means stepping back, saying no to the extra home school activity of the week, or going to bed when I really want to see the next episode of Dexter, or just being the ear that a friend wants when she's venting instead of pushing myself on her to take care of something for her.
She knows I'm here, maybe an ear is better than a superhero right now.

I'm certain that by maintaining my budget of energy and focusing on the things that are important and maybe just a little hard, that eventually they won't take up so much energy, and I can add in an outing or two.
Maybe I will decide that we are just ok hanging out here too.
Either way I will keep myself sane and on track and be able to do my job so that everyone else can do theirs.
That's what I want for my willpower.

Total Health Tuesday- When the Going Gets Tough...

(alternately titled; My Get Up and Go, Got Up and Went!)

Last week was RUFF!
Physically, emotionally, everything. I'm not sure really where this cloud came from, but for most of the week I felt a lot like Eeyore with my own personal little rain cloud of bad mood hovering over me.

By the end of the week I had not logged NEARLY as many miles as I normally would have, I felt like bleh, I was eating like bleh, and my consistency on logging my meals?
Bleh.
I really did feel gross all over but couldn't shake it enough to turn things around.
That is until I stepped on the scale *just* to see where I was.
Up.
Oh No! This is NOT going to happen. Things have been going good for too many weeks now for me to succumb to this waah waah attitude and ruin all my good work.
Ironically we touched on this in Sunday School.

So... I knew what I needed to do. Back to my Lose It! App, revamped my treadmill workout a little so I push my self and reward myself, and paid closer attention to what's actually happening this week so I can realistically plan my meals accordingly.

So far, MUCH better! The rain seems to be staying outside watering my mud where it should be instead of annoyingly tap tap tapping on my head. I feel a lot less bleh and hurt a lot less this week, which is always a good thing.
I do believe I need to really be aware of burnout and make sure I have more mental downtime than I have been allowing. I think that's where this all came from. It's a vicious cycle I tell ya!

So when the going gets tough, the tough get back to a SIMPLE routine.
Do you have any secrets to staying on course? How 'bout bad days? What do YOU do for them?

Total Health Tuesday- Speed, I am Speed...

Occasionally the Disney movie Cars makes it to the DVD player.
Whenever that happens I immediately think of a certain Nascar obsessed little boy I once knew.....
Anyways! Today I want to talk about speed. About putting a little more "umph" into the workout.
Since I have been doing my Bible in 90 Days Challenge, I have mainly been walking my miles while reading my daily requirements. This is because I usually get behind on the reading on the weekends when our schedule is a little different and I'm not getting up so early.
Now that I have gotten a little ahead and almost completed the challenge (YAY!) it has freed me up for a little running time.
On Saturday I walked and ran a Budget 5k. When I logged my time and speed into my Lose It! app on my ipod I noticed something.... the calories burned.
For the part I walked (about 20 minutes) was at a speed of 4.5 mph and according to Lose It! I burned about 200 calories.
Now the day before I walked and walked at a reading pace and walked with some speed. For the 40 minutes I walked at 3 mph (to me it seems like a regular walking pace) I burned only 174!
REALLY!?!
I think we would all agree that our time is precious and that we do not want to spend more time on one thing that is needed, so SPEED! I am SPEED!
I have upped my speed on my workouts and try to push myself a little harder, this saves me almost 15 minutes on my workout (I stop at 3 miles).
Do you know what you can do with 15 MINUTES!!
By pushing yourself just a little more you can accomplish so much in a short amount of time.
I plan to incorporate this push at least 3 workouts a week, to really give it my all and see what I can do.
And because I haven't posted a video in a while... enjoy.

"Float Like a Butterfly Sting like a Beamer!" ;)

Total Health Tuesday- Be a Balanced Hobbit

Sooo I went to see the Nutritionist last week. Honestly I wasn't expecting much more information than I had already found, but I figured it was worth a shot.
After looking at my food and exercise log she was really impressed with the kinds of food I have been eating and the workouts I have been doing.
We talked about where I thought my weaknesses were and she helped me not to beat myself up for them so much.
For example Fast food: If I'm out I will eat it. I fully expected her to lecture me about being prepared and packing a cooler but instead she gave me a little cheat book with all the restaurants in it and pointed out to me the stuff I COULD have. And not just the yogurt.
There are some things that are actually within calorie range... just not in a meal form. She said if I want a meal I have to have a Happy Meal. I thought that was funny.
She also pointed out to me that although I am eating healthier than the average American, I am not eating a balance of all the food groups. I may hit them by the end of the week but not daily like I should.
She suggested that I eat from 3 food groups at each meal and or accompanying snack.
She even gave me a cute little illustration of the food groups. Awe how nice.

The final area she wanted me to focus on was my balance of calories throughout the day. Not equally though. She wanted me to eat heavy in the morning, lighter for lunch, and very light for dinner.
"Eat like a King for Breakfast, a Prince for Lunch, and a Pauper for dinner."~Unknown

She also asked what my day looked like and decided that there was way too much time from the moment I get up to the time I eat with the kids. "So in all reality you need to eat TWO Breakfasts."
Great. So now I'm a Hobbit.
Shall we have Elevensies and Onesies to?

.....Well she thought it was funny.
So in the end my "homework" for her is to be Balanced Hobbit. Eat all my food groups everyday and have two breakfasts the first one being no later than 30 minutes after my morning workout. I am to keep this up and see her again in a month to track my progress.

Total Health Tuesday- Celebration Time

So, It's been exactly one month since I posted any stats. I finally have an appointment with the Nutritionist tomorrow but I wanted to share here my successes that I have had on my own.

Since Feb 15 I have lost 5 pounds! YAY!!
I have also surpassed the 100 mile mark on my trek to run and walk 500 miles in the year 2011. I'm actually ahead of the curve! Double YAY!!
After some really tough months of not even wanting to look at myself in the mirror, my face is FINALLY starting to clear up!

I really think the medicine is helping, but is definitely not a cure all. I also learned this past week that I cannot just depend on the meds to handle everything and that I have to remain diligent in my healthy eating habits. I ate horribly Tuesday and paid for it the next two days. While I am learning that I can indulge a little and not berate myself too bad, being conscious of not having a total blowout DAY is very important.

So for all my successes I am rewarding myself with a new pair of running shoes! Seriously though after going from sometimes 10 miles a week to more like 15 miles a week my shoes and my feet are worn out. Momma needs some cushion for her feet. I will also get a "free' day tomorrow as Mike has taken the day off for my appt. and told me to "go and have a day to yourself". Have I mentioned lately how much I love this man?

Have you had any successes lately? How are you rewarding yourself?

Total Health Tuesday- Mind Games

Part of this journey is a mental one. Training and food aside we are human and it is VERY difficult and possibly reckless to ignore what goes on inside that "lump three feet above your butt" (Tom Hanks-A League of Their Own....nicely quoted).
Sometimes I have found that 1+1 doesn't always equal 2 with dieting. Sometimes there is more to it than just calories in and calories out. Sometimes when we forget to remember that our bodies are really still big ole' mysteries we begin to beat ourselves up.
"Why won't the scale move?"
"I can't ever run faster."
"This whole process feels like a prison"

Yes those are my thoughts, recently even, about the way this is going.
So what do I do about it?

Mind Games

I'm talking about focusing on the positive, gleaning motivation, and envisioning the life I know I am entitled to. It's not always easy. Some days I fail. Some days I only get it a little bit right. But EVERYDAY I try. And with each day things are starting to get a little brighter, light and understanding come through just a little bit more. And the person I see in the mirror, while still may not be the SIZE I want her to be, she's starting to look pretty good on the inside... content... happy even to take each day as it comes and put forth the best effort right now knowing in 5 minutes I may screw it all up again. But hey, I'm giving it a go!

Here are things that seem like they are working:
Meeting my day- I can't believe how much difference life has been now that I get up before the kids (everyday but Sat) and how my mood is so much better as I am ready for the kids instead of me being dragged kicking and screaming into consciousness by a 4 year old who "just wants you to move over Mommy, I want some covers too!" As she send bony elbows and knees into your back.

Music- I have become increasingly aware of the sounds around me particularly my music. While I like to run to some pretty hard and heavy stuff, I must be aware to not just have that music constantly around me. It's angry and I am more prone to be angry around it, feeding off the energy it emits. I also have noticed more and more the words rolling out of my children's mouths as they sing along with the latest craze on the radio. Sounds dirty. I don't like it. So I control it. The Beatles station on Pandora has brought some pretty happy and friendly music.

Taking a Time Out- Making sure that everyday I have at least a few moments after lunch to not be "on". Everyone is quiet either reading or napping or quietly finishing some project. Taking a moment to breathe is crucial in my day.

Setting a small goal (and only ONE goal at a time)- setting goals is not hard for me, getting there is the problem. Often times that is because I set too many small goals. Drink water? Sure I can do that, and give up coffee, and get up at 5 am everyday..... Right now I have one fitness goal. I have to walk or run more than 10 miles each week. That's it. Once I feel I have this goal achieved I will add on ONE more step at a time.

Reading- I read a lot with the kids and lesson stuff and doctors info on PCOS, but here lately I have really found peace and positive in reading for me. My Bible reading each day and a book just about something I want it to be. Could be a how to book, could be an inspirational memoir, could be a silly drama novel but its for me.

Meditation- the idea of just stopping and focusing on one thing or nothing at all has really helped to keep negativity at bay. For me focusing can come in the form of knitting, cooking, of just simply lying down and recalling the good parts of the day. This is most helpful especially when the kids and I may not have seen eye to eye and I am in the midst of negative thoughts about their behavior, my reactions, and the situation in general. I stop and grab a positive element of the day surrounding each person and focus on that and breathe. Helps with sleeping too.

Saying no- Too many times I have taken on too much all at once.... too many outings, too many errands lumped into one day, too many responsibilities to other people. Sometimes I get to the point where I am doing more quantity than quality and to be honest the quality stinks. So I try to make sure that if I am agreeing to something or someone that this task or person is getting my best and that I can focus on that alone. That is a gift I can give them and my sanity. This way I can be happy with my progress and the process and the outcome of almost everything I do.

Like I said before, some days I get it right, some days I don't. But I try. And that is what is helping to keep me positive and my meddling mind quiet.

Total Health Tuesday... You can't Fix it if You Don't Know its Broken

*Disclaimer*- This post is a little "personal". And it might get a little soap boxy. Just so you are aware.

The more research I do on PCOS, the more frustrated I get. Not that its confusing (because it is), not because there is a lack in clear cut progress in treatment (because everyone treats differently), but because the real reason doctors and women have trouble working together to create a solution is because no one knows there's a problem. The idea of talking about something so personal as our menstrual cycle has become very tabu in our society. I remember in High School a group of kids grabbing my pack to look for a pencil or pen and happening upon my "supplies" and totally freaking out. Embarrassed me to death, but hey its a part of life right? Right. Once a month we are suppose to keel over in pain, wear our baggiest clothes and pray for it all to end as we "die" through our legs, right? That's why they created such Godsends as Midol and Tylenol and Advil right? Because this was our curse. This was part of the punishment set on us because Eve ate that blessed apple, right?

WRONG

Did you know we are not suppose to writhe in agony each month? That this special "time of cleansing" is not to be marked with large dark deposits known as clots leaving the body? Did you know that is a sign your body is having a hard time cleansing itself? Did you know that after a woman has gone through puberty that her periods should really not last more than 7 days? Did you know that extreme mood swings before and during your cycle are NOT considered normal working order?

I didn't.

And that is why I am 30 years old and just now figuring it out. Because I didn't know anything was broken because NO ONE talks about it. Including me. NO ONE knows what is normal and what is not because there has not been a verbal consensus and we are not talking to those people who can help us. Yes I am talking medicine here. I am not a big fan of doctors, I have very strong feelings about medicating and vaccinating everything. On the other hand I have utmost RESPECT for the medical community as a whole. I saw them take a dying mother and her unborn child and save them both eight weeks premature and suffering from massive amounts of infection raging her body and pull them through and both are alive and well today. I have seen them take an HIV patient doomed to death and prolong his life. I respect medicine, I acknowledge its boundaries and rejoice where it exceeds my wildest ambitions.

That is why I feel the need to say here, talk to your doctor. If you suffer, talk to them. It may be a range of normality, it may not. You may not know. This has always been "normal" for me, "normal" for the women in my family (who not so surprisingly suffered all the same afflictions I do). Putting it out there is the first step in establishing health in uncertain times. You can then make the decision if the treatment seems reasonable to you or whether it has given you the information you need to pursue other avenues. Or whether we live in a totally over medicated world. But the first step is to talk, not suffer.

These thoughts were inspired by this website as I was researching the "validity" of my diagnosis.

Total Health Tuesday...What I'm doing RIGHT

So many times when one embarks upon a health or fitness journey there immediately appears a list.
A List of things you are doing wrong.
Don't eat this, don't drink that, do this workout over the other.
Obviously this is necessary to point out mistakes so that one can better themselves, but I think too often we don't stop to think of all the things we are doing right to better ourselves. Our list may begin short, but I think its important to really look back and add to it so that even when you think NOTHING is going in your favor, you can see Hey! I did THIS!!
Corny?
Maybe. But sometimes you need the pep talk.
Sometimes the hill you are trying to get over right now is blocking everything else from sight until you turn around and look at the Mountains you just covered. Maybe everything you have gone through does not fit in the "normal" fitness category, but its still your accomplishment and therefore should be celebrated.

So I made a list

1. I quit smoking
2. I have managed to pull myself out of a deep depression following my miscarriage
3. I taught myself to knit
4. I have run for 4 miles without stopping (it was only once but it WAS so its an accomplishment)
5. I have learned to cook without meat for 90% of our meals
6. I make all our sandwich bread
   
7. I constantly strive to eliminate stress.
8. I have kept my bathroom clean for a whole month straight!
9. I have made our laundry soap for 3 years now!
10. I have lost 12lbs (solidly) since we moved to Rhode Island
11. I have begun to rise before my children to meet my day.
12. I have eliminated cereal from our budget for almost a year now.
13. I have "moved" (worked out in some way) for 5-6 days a week since the beginning of the year.
14. With the inspiration of Dave Ramsey and the teamwork of my husband, we have managed to live credit card free and credit card bill free for a year.
    

Like I said, all accomplishments may not adhere to the normal *fitness* category, but accomplishments are accomplishments and therefore should be celebrated.
Do you have things that you haven't celebrated?
Let's Celebrate together. Leave a comment or link below to your accomplishments great and small.
And just for fun here's an oldie but a goodie that will remind you to.....