Being a Coastie Wife.... You Chuckle Head!!

That's what my loving husband called me on Thursday when I finally tracked him down.
I had to repeat the story at least twice before he really got it.

"Honey I fell. I've hurt my arm, it's swollen and it hurts pretty bad. The clinic suggests I go to the ER to get it checked out. Would it be terribly bad if you had to come home or are you guys swamped?"

"How did you fall?"
pause

"Weeeelllll. We were playing outside and Jakob and I were trying to ride his Ripstik."

"WHAT?!?! Why were you doing that? Why would you EVER do that?"

"Umm it was fun? I was bored?"
(I can just feel his eyes rolling)

"You Chucklehead!"

Yep that's right. This week I had as my brother calls it a "death" in the family in the form of my common sense.
I, the only adult at home decided to explore the inner kid in me and jump on my son's TWO WHEELED skate board.
As per Amazon's description: "Best described as a cross between a skateboard and a snowboard, the Ripstik caster board is the perfect ride for kids looking for the next big thrill. The board is distinguished by its pivoting deck and 360-degree inclined caster trucks, which offer a snowboard-like carving ability. A simple weight transfer lets you turn or accelerate without pushing, just like when you're carving down the slopes."

So instead of "carving the slopes" Jakob and I were carving the driveway.
Apparently not successfully.
I didn't jump off in time and fell and severely jammed my elbow. Thankfully nothing is broken, but if there is anything that will teach a lesson its humility.
Because having to tell that story to 3 different medical personnel face to face left me as red as an apple.
Needless to say I have been the source of much laughter this week.
Sometimes being a Coastie Wife means your a "Chuckle Head".
Its a tough job. ;)

Being a Coastie Wife..... Callin in the Calvary!!

One of my very first "jobs" when we get to a new location is to immediately establish a support group.
Some places have been easier than others. And its mostly a cultural thing. Making friends that you can trust truly only depends on how ready everyone else is to allow you into "the fold".
In the military we can't wait that long.
I once had a friend tell me, "I don't have time to play around here, I need a best friend to get me through this or to find someone else."
She was recounting a conversation to another person, but I remember just being in awe of how strong she was and how I could never see myself as so bold (although at times I wish I could be).
But support through other wives, civilian friends, church groups, etc. its all very important and vital to ones sanity.
"It takes a village to raise a child."
It also takes one to keep a Momma sane.
Problem comes when we move so often and at the same time as others living this crazy life that we find ourselves in an area where we need people but haven't been there long enough to really establish a support group.
Where do we get help, when the only people we "know" are the people your husband works with and they are all in the same boat?
No body wants to just hand their kid over to a stranger, nobody wants to unpack the house alone, and nobody wants a bunch of random people coming in and helping you unpack your "unmentionables".
It can be stressful, but we always manage to find a way, find some friends, or maybe one friend who each of us knows with just a look that we are in this boat together and there is this unspoken bond of "This country is what ties us together, and and we care for it and each other like we do our children so you can depend on me."

And then?

There are times when you just have to call in the Calvary.
Also Known As
Momma.
For you it may be a sibling, your Dad, or a best friend from High School.
For me it's my Mom.
And when we sat down and looked at the timetable we had in front of us and the craziness of Mike's schedule I knew what I had to do.
I called Momma.
I knew that I needed some kind of reprieve, help, something that either I couldn't get here because I didn't know if I had the stamina to endure the uncertainty of moving without my husband.
She'll be here in a few hours.
:)
Though the trip is not quite the time I had originally expected, it is perfect. She will be coming to give us the needed relief, breather if you will to withstand the next few weeks.
Of course I'm going to put her to work too!
Hey I can't paint AND cook at the same time can I?
So here's to the Calvary, the ones that are local and the ones you fly in to save your sanity.
The village no longer has walls.

On Being a Coastie Wife... What we Have Here is a Failure to Communicate.

Last week Mike ended up with two days off giving him a long weekend for Easter. We were very excited at the prospect of having Daddy home since before we didn't think we would have any time.
Although the time off was filled with appointments for me, birthday parties, and Easter celebrations, we were able to get some time at home just breathing.

Sounds lovely but I noticed I was really on edge. Things were not going nearly like we normally operated and the kids were exceptionally hyper and confrontational at all this new time with Daddy.
I felt like I was constantly playing mediator between people in our house and I was not happy about it.
Upon a bit of reflection I realized that the main reason we were all not meshing well was that we weren't all on the same page.
I know that Mike had been working long hours but I never really stopped to think about how that affected our communication. We talk about our day, the events, what we will plan for , but since there's so little time from the moment he walks in the door to the time he collapses on the pillow we never really get a chance to get to the "meat" of things.
I have the opportunity by being home everyday to change things as I see they are needed to best work for our family. Because I am the homeschooling "teacher" for the most part, the day to day decisions of scheduling, mediating, sensory work and stuff has been left to me. This is not because he's a "hands-off Dad" but because I'm the one here all the time. And unfortunately lately he's not.
Problem comes when I have been tweeking our schedule, eating and sleeping habits, discipline approach and such and not relaying these to Mike.
He trusts my decisions but none of us like to come home to an old game with new rules that we haven't been privy to.
So after a bit more reflection and carefully choosing my words so the explanation in changes didn't seem like a personal attack on his parenting, we were all able to get on the same page and actually talk "meat". As always he was able to offer views I did't see and together we have been able to be supportive in our parenting.
Shew!
So my lesson to learn is to remember to make time to talk and stay on the same page even when our schedules get too hairy. I'm thinking a running notebook of letters to one another might help.
Makes me wonder if this is part of those hard parts when the guys get back from deployment. It can't be easy for those families whose spouses are gone for months and months.

Being a Coastie Wife.... Stranger Danger!

Home is where the heart is. It's where you are safe and secure and strive to create a relaxing haven away from the stressors of the world.
When you're renting that "haven", the illusion must come to an end sooner than your exit.
I'm talking about that time during your last 4-6 weeks in the home where your landlord is trying to fill the house with a tenant to move in 5 minutes after you vacate.
This means masses of people parading through your domain (preferably without you there) at varying times of the day.
Dealing with a family's schedule can be tough, throwing in 5 Realtor's schedules is a nightmare.
I always cringe when this time comes because the house is never clean enough, organized enough, nor is dinner able to be prepared without making a mess on the oven.
My husband doesn't understand why I get so upset. Why I do the "dance of the Bumble Bee" every time the phone rings.
Technically it's not my problem I mean we are fulfilling our lease and everything will be ready once we leave, but there's that part of me who can't stand to have strangers judge me.
A friend? I won't clean for, ask anyone I know. A stranger will have me shampooing my carpets at a moment's notice.
I admit I am strange.
This week I decided to take matters into my own hands and emailed the property manager letting him know when we would already be out of the house.
We only really have a few reoccurring activities per week where we are all out of the house, but by giving him these times I was able to let him know when he could show the house... on our terms.
Taking control of the situation in this manner allowed me to be honest with him and explain that since we are still schooling and living here, these would be the times where I could feasibly have the house ready.
He was grateful. He knows this house is going to be a hard sell in this neighborhood. And any extra "spit shine" one can put on it is very helpful.
I must say so far this week has been much less stressful. While I still cringe at the idea that someone I don't know is walking around my house sending my poor puppy into a frenzy and possibly noticing I have YET to clean my oven, it is much nicer to leave our sanctuary on our terms and not at a moment's notice just because the phone rings.
This is also a reminder as I go through our yard sale stuff that we can get rid of much, do with less, and ensure more peace without all the excess to clean.

On Being a Coastie Wife... Waiting to Exhale

We all like to breathe right? Well of course we do, we like to live so we like to breathe. I have been trying to really be conscious of the "breath" of our days with school and as a family. By breath I mean the "in breath" of activities, learning, things we need to *do* and the "out breath" of relaxation, simplicity, and general recharging of our body and mind.
Just like anything else it's a work in progress. Right now school has a pretty good breath, "in" for work and "out" for play, activities, and down time.
Our family as a whole though?
Well, the adults have been holding their breath for a while now.
With the promise of a new and busier summer for my husband's unit, he and all his *guys* have been working hard to get ready, inspections, certifications, and fixing the laundry list of things that break on these overworked engines.
You know life as normal.
That's why it is *so* important for each person in this family to make sure and have their down time. Mommy and Daddy especially as we prepare for usual long days of manual labor, separation from family, and single parenting.
Down time usually comes in the form of leave. (time off)
Which my husband gladly put in for. And we were all excited and planned for. Time as a family, to reboot, recharge, and really get ready for all the excitement coming our way... moving to a new house, Scouts activities, dance recitals, Coast Guard functions, and the training of new guys coming in to replace the large number of experienced guys leaving the unit.
We know we need a break so we can face all of this at our best.

Unfortunately due some miscalculations, misunderstandings, and general just not knowing Mike was unable to get this precious week that we had based all our exhaling on.
To say that I am disappointed is an understatement. Both of us looked at each other last night worried for the other. "How are you going to handle no break?" "Are you going to be alright with kids, the move, AND no down time before Summer?" "Are YOU?"
When do we exhale?
When do we recharge?
When do we get back this special time?
To be honest I don't know.
It's hard living with so many uncertainties. But it's life. It will make us stronger. We can make more of a conscious effort to savor every little moment we have with one another, every evening where we can sit and play a game, read a story, sing, laugh, love.
These are the little breaths we need.
The ones that will give us just enough "new air" until we can finally exhale.